In February I posted for the first time about my struggle with envy. It was a painful embarrassing open admission of a life long internal struggle. The curse of an internal struggle is that to the outside eye it is invisible, which lulls the owner of said struggle into thinking it doesn't exist or that it isn't serious. Don't believe that. Internal struggles will ALWAYS show up extermally some how.
Among the many things I love about God is that when He is correcting you, purging you, or pruning you; there is always grace available get you through the process without guilt and condemnation!
Recently, I shared the following to my facebook friends on my deliverance from envy. I literally wept as I wrote it because unlike my post on envy--a post that admitted my issue, talked abour my frustration with it, and served to rally others to fight the faith to resist its temptation--this writing was spoken by a woman who has laid hold of the victory and won't look back.
"....Envy has been so much a part of my life that my body has a physical reaction to it. It is like my body is on auto pilot. The temptation to be envious comes and my heart sinks, my countenance falls, my eyebrows furrow. It has been so second nature that even when my spirit resists it, my body still reactions.
I have to retrain my body against these actions.
Understand something, this is break through for me! I was previously oblivious to the hold envy had on me until I started resisting it. It is like detoxing. You no longer have the stimulus but you still have the craving and when it isn't filled, there is a physical manifestation.
In this, I realize I am truly free. I can handle the detox process. Detox means I am getting rid of the junk. My spirit is telling my physical man it can't have it and my body will have to line up.
I don't need envy. Envy is for someone who doesn't think God loves them. Or doesn't know that God has a unique calling for them. I don't have to want what others have. I just need to know that God has good things in store for me when it is my time. I don't have to wonder if the time is now. I don't need to know that anymore. I don't need an itinerary from God telling me what is next on the list.
Why? Because I have God. Having HIM is better than having his itinerary don't you think? Having HIM is better than having his explanation. Having HIM is better than having his reasons for letting storms come in my life.
I am truly overwhelmed right now at the deliverance! I am so grateful. So yes, God bless people around me with the stuff I want. Give it them in your infinite wisdom. That doesn't change a thing for me. I won't be bitter. I won't hate. I won't backbite. I won't wallow in self pity. I won't ask what about me.
I won't because I don't need to feed that anymore. I have GOD--the giver of every good and perfect gift. He and He ALONE is better than anything I can ask, think, or imagine.
So yes, I sense I change in my spirit. I sense my freedom! Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty! Liberty, freedom, and security."
Does this mean I will never be tempted with this again? Of course not! This does means I am free to enjoy my life, my family, friends, and associates without struggle!
Which is why is vital at this point that I fill the space that envy used to occupy with the godly fruit of thanksgiving and praise. So when it returns, not ir, to gain re-entry, there will be a big NO VACANCY sign over the door post of my heart.
I am so unbelieveably grateful for the journey it took to get to this point. Thank you long suffering father for your power. Help me remember the freedom I have in you. I am completely full in you! Amen