Today was a day of mixed emotions. A hard day, to say the least. i originally wasn't going to write this post because i need to spend time writing for tomorrow, but i feel like the Lord wants me to write — maybe someone else out there needs to be comforted, too.
i'm so over the Hallmark holidays.
For me, Mother's Day is bittersweet. i ADORE my momma and love her for the amazing, sweet woman she is. But today, i was reminded of the one thing i desire most and don't have (yet). Children.
i am reminded of the years that have gone by of hardship that caused one miscarriage and challenges in getting pregnant. The stress my body endured made no place to carry a child. Today was like re-opening a not-quite-healed wound that hurts awful bad.
i know God will give me the desire of my heart — He never gives anyone a desire that He won't fulfill in His perfect time and will. His TRUTH says so.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. — Psalm 37:4
i know i am not alone — that is, the only woman who desires to have children, but may be struggling. It's a very difficult place to be. Friends having babies. People constantly asking when you're going have kids or what's wrong with you. Facebook photos of babies and kids are posted every minute of the day. And then there's that strong desire of your heart and deepest need to hold your own flesh and blood Oh, and the devil torments you until you can't stand it. And you have so much love to give that it makes your heart ache.
And then there are the things that really get me. The countless babies that are aborted every day because they are not wanted ... when there are women like myself who'd love to be the one to get pregnant. Or, the parents who beat their children out of self-hatred and self-rage. Or, the babysitter who shakes a child to death. i've questioned God so many times on why a crack-addicted woman can get pregnant so easily, or a woman who will abort a child or who doesn't want one to begin with .... why is it so easy for them and not for me?
So here i am today, putting this prayer in my prayer jar. Surrendering it (again) to God. Because this is an area in my life where i need healing. Maybe you can relate? We'll surrender together, OK?
But what about the other Hallmark holidays?
Mother's Day - Had a mother who abandoned you?
Father's Day - A father who beat you or was absent all your life?
Sweetest Day - No significant other ?
Valentine's Day - No companionship or love?
There's not one Hallmark holiday that includes everyone. There's at least one holiday for everyone that makes them feel alone or without. And that, i believe, is one too many.
And i guess they annoy me mostly because businesses heavily promote these days for sales and to make money — for simply showing people we love that we love them. Wait, shouldn't we be doing that every day? Why just one day out of the year to really show mom, dad, husband, wife, friend, significant other how much we care?
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.—Ephesians 4:2
A friend loves at all times—Proverbs 17:17
Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. —Romans 13:8
God encourages us in scripture to love each other daily and to show it with our words and actions. Do not hesitate to pour your love on those you care about. Because when we focus on loving each other daily, there's no need to pour your money into making someone feel special one day a year.
Pray diligently for the people you know who struggle on these holidays. And let's take action to not put so much priority on days like today because for every one person that is celebrating, there's likely one that's hurting. Rather, love one another deeply every day.
Lord, thank you for healing me. Thank you for the desire for children — i look forward to the day when you fulfill that deep desire. Until then, i wait patiently for you to move. Today Lord, i pray for all the wives who are struggling in this area, too .... wanting a child of their own. i also pray for all those who were abandoned or hurt deeply by their mother. For all the wounds that were opened today, i pray you will heal them. Show us all how to love deeply every day. In Jesus name i pray. Amen.