There have been times along the healing path that i have resisted, or opposed, healing because i wasn't ready to forgive, ready to move forward, or give my body the time it needed to heal.
i don't know if you know this or not, but a lot of times we work out emotions in our dream state. If emotions are left unchecked during the day or for years, they'll likely resurface in dreams. Last night was one of those nights for me. After an intense healing session of my own yesterday and bringing up stuff from my past, i didn't sleep a wink. It didn't help that my husband's first night back to work was the same night as the Zimmerman trial ended with a not-guilty verdict (fear of riots consumed me).
As i'd start to drift off, i'd get restless and a million emotions would come flooding back. i tossed and turned, never really able to rest. After such a long time of holding on to anger and fear, i could feel myself resisting the healing process. Holding onto those emotions gave me reason to hold grudges against people who've hurt me. But the truth is that the only person i was hurting was myself. i didn't know what it felt like to not feel fear and anger, so naturally, my entire being fought the process of letting go.
When you resist the healing process, whether it's emotional, physical, spiritual, or mental, it creates conflict in the body. That conflict can lead to sleepless nights, among other things. So rather than resist, embrace the healing process and just rest. It's difficult at times, i know, truly i know. If you don't resist, you'll greet peace on your path, peace that'll lead you to find wholeness.
Let the Holy Spirit guide you.
Lord, the healing journey is hard! It's brutal sometimes. Working out all the emotional junk and getting through all the physical pains. It's so exhausting. But i know that if i don't resist and let you take the lead, that You'll guide me through. i know you said it wouldn't be easy, but that You'd be right there with me every step of the way. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.