my wings are made of faith

Comparison & Expectation

i like to think that the older i get, the wiser i get. i've learned from a lot of past mistakes and each day i continue to walk with the Lord He gives me wisdom—especially when it comes to relationships. i'm not referring to a specific kind of relationship because i think this applies to all of them including family and marital.

There are two things that will send a relationship spiraling downward fast:

Every relationship is unique, so when we compare them to other relationships we are setting ourselves up for constant disappointment. Embracing and loving the way God created each individual person is key to finding peace and joy in the relationship that God as put us in. When we do these two things (embrace and love), we typically discover that God puts us in relationships where strengths and weaknesses are balanced. 

When we get in the habit of comparing, it's easy to be ungrateful for the relationships we do have and we create a world of unrealistic expectations. We think, i wish he/she was more like ..., i wish he/she made more money ... i wish he/she looked like ... i wish he/she was more romantic ... and the list could go on and on and on. We compare our friends, spouse, and family to others, then set up unrealistic expectations for that person because we want them to change to be like someone else. Ultimately it all fails because we can't change people. We can only change our attitude and drop our expectations—love people for who they are and be grateful for their presence in our life.

Relationships are a beautiful blessing. Some relationships are short—God brings people in and out of our lives to fulfill His will. Some relationships last until the day that God calls us home. No matter which one we find ourselves in, it's critical for the health of the relationship to avoid comparison and expectations. If change needs to happen in any relationship, the best way for that to happen is through persistent prayer to our Heavenly Father.

Father, God, i compare people in my relationships to my idea of perfection and i often set up unrealistic expectations that are not within reach. i'm sorry. i truly want to cherish all the relationships you have blessed me with. i want to be full of gratitude, love and complete acceptance. Help me to see people the way you do and remind me that you put people in my life (just the way they are) for a reason. In Jesus name!

A prayer for a Godly husband

Shortly after the realization that i was getting divorced, i think the biggest emotional hurdle for me was fear. Fear of being in my 30s and single. It wasn't really the fear of being alone, because i have a relationship with the Lord and i have such an amazing group of supportive family and friends. It was the fear of not having a family, not being able to trust someone with my heart again, and fear of the dating game. 

It didn't take long for God to calm my fears because i stayed focused on Him. Fear is a lie, a lie from the enemy saying that God isn't good and that He won't give us the desires of our heart. Now, i just patiently rest in Him.

i came across this Facebook note that a friend posted about a month ago. It's pretty close to the same prayer that i have been praying for months. To the divorced, single, widowed— this prayer is for you. Claim God's promises for a Godly husband in the name of Jesus and wait on the Lord to provide the desire of your heart. (Take some time to click through to the related scriptures)

Prayer for a Godly husband

Lord God, your Word declares that if I delight myself in you—if I enjoy and seek your pleasure above mine—you'll give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). At the beginning of creation, you proclaimed, "It is not good that man should be alone" and then you created Eve to be a suitable partner for Adam (Genesis 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would protect the husband—a suitable partner—you have chosen for me. Because the covenant of marriage is sacred (Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is only outmatched by his love for you; a man who will cherish me and build me up (Proverbs 31:28); a man who will honor me (I Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows; a man who will be a good father and provider; a man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually; a man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Keep me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that's second best, convenient, or one that feeds my insecurities. Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm to me that he is the one. Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you rather than my partner. In this period of waiting, I will look to you alone to be my companion and best friend. You are the one who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with good things (Psalm 103:4-5). I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to you, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). In this request, I commit myself to trust you and do good, to dwell in the land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my way to you and trust that you will bring it to pass (Psalm 37:35). Amen.
—Evangelist Constance Fleming

 

God is so very, very good.

A Healing Love

Ancestry is important in the scriptures, and the book of Ruth is especially explicit about the fact that Ruth was not an Israelite, but is counted among the ancestors of King David.  She was his great-grandmother.  Ruth’s story isn’t about first love, and the youthful infatuations stemming from hormones and good looks. Hers is a story of recovery from anguished loss of her first love, and choices she made to move toward healing, while not forgetting she was not the only one in pain. When she uttered her famous phrase, “Whither thou goest I will go,” commonly used in weddings, she was making two choices at once.  She chose to show a remarkable kind of love, by giving herself to care for her bereaved mother-in-law, who was old and discouraged now that her sons had died.  And, she chose the God of her deceased husband and his mother to be her God.

Where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God, my God. Ruth 1:16.

The couple today, is of course, Ruth and Boaz. When Boaz first noticed Ruth in his fields, nothing is said about his loving her. A good bit of time passes, while she gleans with his maidens, following the young men who harvested in his fields. The only thing we know of his interest is that he forbids the young men to approach her, and tells the harvesters to leave some extra to be gleaned on purpose.  But his kindness caused her to wonder if Boaz might care for her. When she asked him why he took notice of her, he said he had heard of her dedication to Naomi. Then he said this:

The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. Ruth 2:12

Ruth's testimony preceded her and Boaz saw the hand of God on her life.

I wonder if Boaz had any clue what God was about to do in his life?  Of one thing I am sure. God is a God who turns tragedy and heart ache into greatness.  Ruth chose to serve God, and God paired her with someone who also chose to serve God. So many things could have happened differently in this story.  But Boaz behaved in a respectful manner and gave Ruth a great deal of credit, and honor.  He also wisely gave her time to heal from her loss.  He also brought hope into Naomi’s life and a new reason to live and love, when he allowed that the son he and Ruth brought into the world, be known as Naomi’s grandchild. 

 Chapter 2, verse 15 tells us what Naomi’s neighbors and friends thought about this baby:

And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age, for thy daughter-in-law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him.

The elders of the city who witnessed the purchase of the rights to Naomi’s family inheritance, made this comment to Boaz about his decision to marry Ruth, knowing she was a Moabite:

“The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel, and do thou worthily in Ephratah and be famous in Bethlehem.”  Ruth 4:11

And so it came to be, for Boaz and Ruth are listed among the ancestors of both lines of Jesus’ heritage, in Matthew and in Luke.

Love that arises from pain, and is first founded in our gracious God, will be blessed.  He is the healer of the broken hearted and faithful. He makes great things come from small goodness. He is able to use anyone who will accept him, and yield to his leading. Ruth was able to move on in life because she continued to love, and she chose to serve God.

Lord, bless someone who has had loss, to chose to move on, and continue seeking love. May the example of Ruth and Boaz give courage and inspiration to someone who is needing an unusual solution to having a family and a future to look forward to. Strengthen the hearts of the discouraged and lonely.  Help us all to be more like the encouraging neighbors of Ruth and Boaz. Put the people in our paths who will be as responsible and honorable as Boaz, and help us trust that when we have done the best right thing we are able to do, that You are able to stir the hearts of your people, to provide the support we will need to do your will.  Lord work in the hearts of Christians...open their eyes to the opportunities to be used for something bigger than our understanding. Amen 

Love That Stands The Test Of Time

In this week when we celebrate love, “Wings” has dedicated these days to couples.  These couples didn’t wear halos. They were normal people, living in the difficult circumstances of normal life. Not one story is a picture of perfectness. But each story is, in some way, a picture of the love of God, and includes types of the future Savoir, Jesus Christ.  The couple who is the subject of our discussion today is Jacob and Rachel. There was nothing about this relationship that is typical of the ideal couple in today’s social patterns.  Yet, these two were the parents of Joseph, who through much hardship became a Prince of Egypt. He saved his family most of whom rejected him, when they might otherwise have perished from famine.  The whole family story (Genesis 29- 31) is full of types of the love of God for his beloved Israel, his chosen people, and of Jesus who came, not just to the Jews, but to the whole world. But was this marriage built on love?

To me this story has always been the exemplary story of just how much a man can love a woman.  And it is the picture of the long-suffering love of God for his earthly family.

When Jacob fell in love with Rachel, it was almost at first sight.  He knew within a month he wanted to marry her. He agreed to serve her father for 7 years in order to make her his wife. Through the deceit of his father-in-law, Jacob was forced to work another 7 years to make Rachel his wife. He married Rachel only a week after being tricked into marrying her sister Leah.  But he worked hard and under ridiculous circumstances to pay the price of 7 additional years, which her father demanded.

The sweetest verse in this whole story is verse 20:

And Jacob served seven years for Rachael; and they seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had to her.  Genesis 29:20 KJV

This is the love God has for us.  It isn’t meant to exemplify an ideal picture for couples on Valentine’s Day.  There is no ideal picture. There are no ideal love stories. There are no fairytale marriages. God wants us to know that only one love is stronger than time. He is always willing to work for the object of his affection, each soul he would woo to himself, no matter how many years it takes to win them.

This is also a story of God’s purposes for our lives.  We may never know what God’s long-term plan may be, but he can take any situation and bring blessing to us and to future generations. God blesses the children of the unloved mothers too.  Through no fault of his own, Jacob was tricked into marrying Rachel’s sister.  Although he never loved her like he loved Rachel, he trusted God to build his family through her as well.  It is from this mixed up family that the 12 tribes of Israel were generated. And one of Rachel’s sister’s boys was Judah. This was the tribe through which Jesus’ ancestry can be traced, all the way to Mary and also to Joseph.  How much did Jacob love Rachel? Enough to look to the future and make a commitment to that plan, suffer through hardship and betrayal, and stand his ground.  How much does God love us? Enough to look to our future and make a commitment to that plan, suffer with us through hardship and betrayal and stand his ground!  All the years to God seem but a few days.  We have only just begun to get to know the extent of his love.

Father, thank you for loving me like Jacob loved Rachel.  Thank you for this example of how you have a plan for our future, and the future of our children. Help us see past the deceitful people in our lives to the bigger picture.  Help us not be so hurt by the turmoils of reality that we give up the pursuit of love relationships.  Give us a mindset that overrides the here and now, and draws on faith that you are able always to bring something wonderful when everything fails to be as we expected. AMEN

Love and God's Family

Relationship.  It is what God wants from us. In many of Christ’s teachings, he spoke of God as his heavenly father.  He was deliberate in this because he was describing the way he wanted us to see God.  He didn’t use the terms of his forefathers which emulated God’s magnificence. He used a family term. Then he said, “ye must be born again.”  Teaching children about salvation is made simpler when we help them understand that concept of being born into God’s family.  The birth of the soul into the spiritual newness of life with God as our father is a simple form of the complex new union with God.  But the other element of family is about the intimacy of a couple, the pairing of two people and the deepness of love that should be unique to two people. Using that picture as a guide, Jesus also referred to the relationship of his Church family as a love similar to the union between husband and wife. He called himself the bridegroom, his followers, the Church, therefore referenced as his bride.

Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast. Matthew 9:15(TNIV)

 In this example of relationship, the result would be the new birth generated in the form of new Christians born into the church family.  Our intimacy with God should produce new births into his family.  The family union as compared to the husband/wife relationship is complicated but full of the deeper things about our intimacy with God. The father/child relationship is more about our relationship one on one with God; while the husband/wife relationship type is more about our response and expectations as a member of the family, the church.  For Jesus the whole of the church was precious to him, singularly the most intimate union element of the God/people relationship.  For any who don’t believe in the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, it would be helpful to consider the union between men and women as a reference for God’s relational expectations of his actual experience with us as members of the church.  The old adage of two become one, is often forgotten in our modern world, where it is often forgotten that once that union occurs, this is what God considers marriage.  This union was meant to bring increase to the family.  My intent here is not to discuss the implications of that, but to help us notice that Jesus effectively introduced us to the 3 members of the God-head and helped us see how they interacted with us by referencing the family as a familiar place of love. 

God the Father, Jesus his son and by proxy his father becomes our Heavenly Father as well, and the one who indwells us –the Holy Spirit.  As in any family, we are at once, the child of someone, and the parent of someone when the union is able to produce children. And just as in all the families of the world, not every union or every individual marriage is called to have children, not every individual Christian is called to a ministry of leading people to Christ, or has the gift of ministry.  Scripture clearly tells us that different individuals are given different talents and abilities.  However, at the same time, it was never intended that only the pastors, preachers, teachers or missionaries were the only ones able to lead the lost to Christ.  Our personalities come in to play in the gathering of people, thus the variety of Christian congregations. And the many different ways we reach out to the world to tell them about Christ.  But the objective and the result are the same - children being born into the family, because of an intimate relationship between the “church” and their God. 

Jesus furthers this image by expanding his own position in this image. He says he is also the best man at the wedding.

He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. John 3:29 (NKJV)

 He is also the minister that oversees the legal issues of the union.  He in effect, leads the couple through the wedding process, and signs the documents when it is done > by his finished work on the cross.  He paves the way, doing all he can to be the grooms advocate, then he is present as all the legal items are dealt with.  He sees to it that the commitment is signed, sealed, and delivered.

What is significant, that once the covenant has been signed, the relationship in a real marriage between husband and wife is not sealed in public. Only the spirit of God is present in that intimate moment. Although many make their commitment to Christ in the presence of the Church family, what should always happen is that a very private, intimate decision and acceptance of the indwelling of the Spirit must also occur.  It is a simple moment, when we permit our God to become one with us, make the decision to become his child.  Often when individuals ask God to save them, they really don’t know that they are opening their hearts to the Spiritual intimacy.  But they know that a change has occurred.  There is some kind of process that leads to that moment, that decision to be united with the God who is as big as the universe.  But it doesn’t have to be a long one. I can in fact happen the moment we believe.

 I had a friend many years ago who told me she was married after knowing her husband only two weeks. I was appalled. All I could think of was, “How could you possibly know if you want to marry someone in two weeks? Her answer was, “You know Mark, wouldn’t you know he was the right person if it were you?” She was right.  Mark had a noticeable uniqueness.  My husband said that if we could have, he would have married me as soon as he met me. To him, knowing immediately that I was who he wanted to marry just happened.  When Jimmy was sent to Vietnam, I wished we had married sooner, when I knew he was the one, why wait so long?  I struggled with the possibility of instant love being true until I met my friend, and until I thought about my experience with salvation.  I spent almost a year of struggling with how to be saved, and then later wished I had understood all I learned earlier, so I could have been saved sooner. In fact, I knew I wanted Christ to be my savior, but it never happened until I fell in love with him. It would have been so much simpler to allow him to be my savoir so much sooner, and gain the understanding later.  I could have lived in the glow of his love, rather than where I was - in “the fear of his damnation,” if I didn’t figure it out. I, like so many, thought he was there to send me to hell, until I knew the truth that he was there to save me from it, and draw me into the security of his family.

 I am a great advocate for teaching children early in life the “understanding” part, so that when they choose to make that decision it is easier for them. Jesus said to allow the little children to come unto him. Do you think he believed that little children could or should understand the intimacy of the act. Of course not. (Yet teens would be wise to heed how God feels about intimacy.)  He wanted the focus to be on Love.  The binding agent of every family that functions as it should.  Last week, I spoke of Joy. This week God wanted me to share his view on LOVE. And in this case it is a choice we make. A choice to enter into the family of God focusing on LOVE. 

What is the Christmas story more than a story of love and family and new birth.  Jesus was born into this realm from the very start to tell us about becoming family.  The common man in the form of the shepherds, the wealthy man in the form of the Magi, and the angels from the realms we can only imagine, all rejoiced in the birth of a child who was born to emulate the one desire of God. That we would  be brought into a family style relationship with Him. It is the desire of his heart, and the purpose of being born as a babe.  His first advent was not as an angelic being, but as a babe.  Could he have come from the skies? Sure, and he will.  But Christ came first as a babe, that we might know the intentions of God, that he might call him Father, and then present him as Spirit. Desiring to open for us a way to a relationship and become a member of God's family.

“ All God has ever wanted is to make it clear that we are made in his image.  We are sentient beings, who love, feel, hurt, long for fellowship...etc. And so is God.  What God wants from each individual is relationship.  Jesus, God's Son came to earth, to try to make this understandable in human terms.  He called God his heavenly Father, in order to make it clear that God wants us to become a member of his Family. Not by filling out a card and joining a church. Jesus said: "Marvel not that I said unto you, Ye must be born again." St. John 3:7 (King James Version, New Testament) He is simply saying that it is not some list of works (honoring laws or philanthropies) that will take care of the sin issue. It is a life experience, a giving of life, by God, in a new way. You were born one time as a flesh and blood human; now you must be born, as a spiritual being, into a family relationship, with a real God as your Heavenly Father. Why does this sound child-like? Because it must be easy enough for a child to understand.” CW

 Father, make this real to someone who begins to wonder if the story of Christ is just a fairy tale.  And to some who never considered the real meaning and intent of relationships as God sees them.  Then help us all to choose love.  May the consequences of that choice lead us to an appreciation of how unique and amazing a relationship with someone who will not desert us actually is.  There is only one relationship that we are assured will not fail.  Even we fall out of relationship with you. So thank you Lord, that your relationship with us is never broken. Then help us celebrate Christmas in the spirit of that truth and in the spirit of Love. For all, who are lacking the family relationships, who have difficulty referencing family love, or who lost what they once had, or who long for and have never had, fill the void.  Help us see the birth of a child in the Christmas story, for what it is – a demonstration that you became a babe that we might know the desire of your heart is a relationship with us.Be the family some have never known, and help us pass that kind of Love to our own. AMEN

Fireproof: Must-see Movie

If you haven't seen this movie, i highly recommend it. It's got a wonderful, heartwarming message about marriage and the hard work, sacrifice, and dedication it takes to make it work. You can watch it on YouTube for free.

 

Unconditional Love

Face it! We are at odds with people around us.  We find ourselves married to spouses who are our exact opposites, most of the time.  Our children begin to show how differently they think than we do almost immediately. By the time they are teens, they feel like strangers in our house.  The boss thinks it should be done one way and we can only do it the way we know how.  In the end it gets done, so why does butting heads matter? Smack in the middle of all the things that push us apart, are a million reasons why we need to come together, and even though we know love is the answer, how do you love someone who is so forcefully drawing away. The walls that go up are so hard to pull down.  Sometimes it feels like you would have to be God to actually practice unconditional love.

Take a long look at the word – unconditional.           UNCONDITIONAL   

U N C O N D I T I O N A L.   

NOT conditional.  How many times during the day does what you say to someone hold a condition? Discipline demands conditions.  To our children we say, “you can go play, if you clean your room.”
Busy lives have conditional demands on our time.” I will take care of that when take care of this.” But the one thing in our lives that must not have conditions is LOVE. Love is a time out from the routine that sets us on a perpetual path to opposite tracks.  It is the time when we stop going in opposite directions and come together, with no conditions.

Almost never is it the choice of both individuals at once.  Generally, if it is between us and God - that a mountain of opposites have grown - it is usually God who is trying to remove the obstacles.  Many times the label of SIN is placed on the pile of stuff that causes us to keep such distance from God.  If you haven’t noticed, it is God who made a way to remove the pile .Sin is just the trash to him, to be tossed or burned. His definition of sin is that which separates us from Him.   He went so far as to say that if you desire, you can say to the mountain, “mountain go away,” and God promised that we have the power to send the mountain to the sea. Why, because it is just that simple to follow through on the principles of God and have them work. The moment we take advantage of God’s unconditional love, the mountain is removed.  There will be things that have to be worked on to fix the broken stuff. Or decide to just toss it, and get new .* But the love of God which never changed, but was difficult to see as the mountain grew, becomes suddenly visible again.

Now take that picture and use the image of removing the mountain… no matter what their age, decide to have unconditional love for your children.  No matter the issues between you and your spouse, decide to have unconditional love.  Can you love your boss, your friend, your mother or father – unconditionally? It something you must choose to do, just as forgiveness is.  A Choice.

If the mountain comes down, are all the broken things fixed?  NO.  Do you always get a reciprocal from the one on the other side of the wall.  NO.  But does it give you a break from the stress of living in a world  where we spend more time building the walls than taking them down?. YES.  Is it really helpful?. YES Totally.

Two things:

1.    Toss the hurts if you are able, and decide to build on love instead.  It takes courage, and there will be a fear that you will need to build a wall of protection.  When abuse is the issue, put time frames on how long you will accept a changed behavior. Example - to a spouse one might say: “We will see how it goes for six months, and we will talk again, but I am drawing the line now on the abuse.  You will never abuse me again, NEVER.  If you abuse me again within that six months, you will have lost your final opportunity to show you love me enough to do whatever it takes to put that out of our lives.  Putting a condition on abuse is not the same as putting a condition on love. It actually gives unconditional love a chance to blossom, and grow. This principle works for children as well, but put shorter time limits.  And remember that conditions on behavior are not the same as conditions on love. 

2.    Time outs should become more frequent.  If we parallel the timeout to the “SuperNanny” example,  we realize that abrupt, frequent, and responsible use of the “technique” is an effective way to deal with a child’s disciple with love. In other words, find a way to bring a halt to the behavior for a few moments. Then start again as if nothing had happened, with a hug and a promise of love. Of course, the scenario with bosses looks a little different, but the concept must be the same.  Showing the love after the break is very important.  Now see it in the context of the Mountain/wall building example.  If you remove the mountain more often, it doesn’t grow so overwhelmingly tall.  It won’t seem like such an impossible task to see the other person, without the mountain of problems and make the decision to act as if you were God-like in loving unconditionally.

My husband has a habit of saying “ I love you”  very often.  I used to tell him, that there were times I just didn’t think he loved me, because his actions spoke louder than his words.  “If you loved me…” I would say.  I see it differently now. Now I accept the offer of verbal love as his real feelings, and sometimes actually say, “I accept your love and that you love me, but  …(whatever)…doesn’t make me feel loved.  Can we handle this differently, so I will feel like you love me?”

Conversation about love must also come from an unconditional place. Not placid, not submissive in the connotation of being under someone’s power, but submissive in a response that comes first from love. Submit to the love. Conversation only takes down the mountain, when you say…”take down the mountain”.  A conscious decision must be made by one person to say, I will put the mountain aside so we can talk about loving one another unconditionally. It is critical to not see love as an excuse to let someone do harm, or behave badly. Love is only when you call the break, firmly, absolutely.

Here's a great Facebook page that has some super uplifting sayings:

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

And please don't forget to visit us at our Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/My-Wings-Are-Made-of-Faith/212364455451281

  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. I John 4:7

 

Watch & Wait

My husband recently told me how he had been praying about certain things when I expressed concern about an area of personal financial issues. He said, “All I can say is, this is what I prayed, and this is what God did, so this is all I know about how to believe, Cynthia.” My concerns just melted away. If I had known how he was praying and how he felt about God’s response, I probably would have never worried in the first place. Yet in his humble thinking, he didn’t wish to boast about his prayers. He has never shared much about his personal relationship with God. I knew he sometimes obeyed God in sharing our worldly goods with people as God led him. His dad was remarkably generous and sometimes gave more than was wise for his family’s best interest, so I never minded my husband’s choices because he had learned to be reasonable. But lately, he has shared that he felt God wanted him to change how he approached some things. Although I was extremely glad to be brought in on this one area of his interaction with God, I am glad to step back and just watch God work out in his life whatever else God is doing. But I do love when he shares, because I am also edified.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone who is finding how to depend totally on God and what He is doing in their lives is to just watch and wait. If there is not a time in our children's lives when they begin to reach out to God for themselves, they are crippled for years in their spiritual walk. The watch and wait time can be for years. But God continues to be in control, and continues to speak softly, drawing those He loves to a closer walk with Him. He ususally isn't very pushy. And He never gives the whole plan dot for dot. If God choses my curcumstances ad chosses to resolve the things as He does, what reason should I have for trying to change that set of events or consequences? Unless He asks me to turn the helm.

One of the best things that I have benefitted from lately, is to let my husband use his skills, developed over the years, to plan our vacation. This year my input was simply that I would just like to anchor in one hotel, and not wander too far from that central point to make our daily excursions. By letting him take it and run, he planned sunrises, sunsets, shopping and all. But only God could have made them as incredible as they actually were!

It will probably often feel like I am only a passenger aboard the boat that my husband and God drive. While watching God tell him to turn the helm, I only wish to be told, that we aren't adrift in the Ocean of No Direction. I genuinely like that my husband has decided to go to great lengths lately to share with me as much as he knows of how God is guiding him to a "new port of call." And equally proud that he shares when he just isn't sure where God is going at all. Even then, I am content that God is gthe one who is drawing up the map. But, I think I'll stay aboard. And enjoy the ride. Well, kinda like Noah's wife aboard the Ark. LOL

Lord, I thank you that you have blessed my husband in such a way that he is confident enough to say, if God is in it, I don't know what else to believe. Thank you for security when you are in it...whatever it is. May someone be blessed today by simply standing by your door, listening, as they watch and wait. In Jesus' Name - Amen

Blessed is the man that listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at my doorposts. Proverbs 8:34

Under His Wings

Psalm 91

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the almighty.

This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him.

For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.

Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

Though a thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.

Just open your eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.

If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter,

No evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home.

For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.

They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone.

You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.

When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.

I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation." (NLT)

 

Christy has asked me to share this Psalm with you this morning. It has been her foundation verse for sometime now, and is the basis for the blog.  In her greatest times of need, it reminds her there is always a loving God who keeps us safely in his care.

She asked me to share with you that she is going through a difficult time right now and can use your supportive prayers. She shared with me that the trials of life only strengthen her resolve, because she knows from where her strength and guidance come.  Please lift her up, and continue to pray for Luke, and ask that as she follows the path God has them on, that she is protected in every way from doing anything but the will of our Savoir.

My Prayer for Christy and Luke is:

God Bless you both, and may He grant you, healing and strength, guidance and protection, love and joy.  Amen

Choose Love.

The other day i came home from work to a hammer, tape measure, and screw driver on the kitchen counter. i don't know about you, but i automatically think, what broke or what needed to be fixed? But, Luke wasn't feeling good last week. Believe it or not, even after a year of detoxing, the chemicals from the pharma drugs are still in his system—deeply embedded in his cells. And, every time he dumps large amounts of those toxins he doesn't have a good week, just like last week. So, being that he didn't have a good week, it was hard to get a response when i questioned the tools on the counter. When Luke started to feel better he told me his wedding ring wasa getting fixed by a friend, said it was pretty mangled. When he told me this, i distinctly remember hearing a not so good sound coming from the garbage disposal a few nights before. See where I'm going with this? So i put two-and-two together and realized his ring was stuck in the disposal and he needed the tools to get it out. Clearly he was afraid to tell me (even though i honestly took it pretty well). My view of materialistic things has certainly changed in the last two years. Things can be fixed over time.

When i got to thinking about his mangled ring, it reminded me a lot of what married couples go through when their marriage is put through the ringer. Illness, money woes, unruly children, aging parents, pride, new job/job loss, stubbornness, etc., are just a few examples of circumstances that can really take a toll on a marriage. All of a sudden a bomb explodes, like one of the things i just mentioned, and we're left with a mangled mess that we have to try and put back together. It's where we find out if true love existed in the first place, if love is enough, if we have the courage and strength to persevere when things are looking grim .... We either painfully endure the process of picking up the pieces or we claim defeat.

i either send the ring in for repair, anticipating the beauty of what's to come or i leave it alone in it's mess eventually getting tired of its ugliness and start looking for a replacement.

Some times it's a hard choice. You know, getting the ring fixed takes time, precision, and lots of work. It can be costly. questions like is it worth it or will it ever be the same as it once was are asked sincerely. The alternative seems so easy—scratch it and start over. You have to wonder if something so mangled can ever be fully repaired.

i think it's fair to say we've all been in a decision-making place like above. i, for one, am coming out of a two-year battle where i honestly weighed both decisions. A short, six-month marriage rocked by illness and a job loss—with a long, uphill battle ahead ... i had no idea what was to come. And, the truth is, it's a good thing i didn't know ... because i may have cried defeat before even giving it a chance. i totally underestimated the strength and grace that God would provide to get through each new day. And, it's like i could hear Him whisper throughout the journey,  if you choose love, I'll help you see this through.

Some moments have been really dark. Some moments i've really felt like i was in the garbage disposal. But, the good moments have been really bright—i'm thankful for the Word that we built our marriage foundation on. i chose love and i continued to see it through, believing that what God has in store for us is so much better than what i could ever dream. i learned to separate my circumstances from Luke—they were never his fault ... we just got caught in one of [the many] storms this life will hold and we had to find a way, together, to make it through the blinding rain.

i say all this to encourage you to repair any relationship in your life that's mangled. It's so hard, but it's so worth it. And, even if you don't have the strength, God will provide you with it. Even if you have to give more than you think, or be rejected more than you hoped, you'll rejoice in the fact that you weathered the storm ... and enjoy (possibly even more than you once did) the relationship in which you decided to choose love.

 

130+ hours

I was outside this morning, in 39 degree weather, pruning all my rose bushes and other perennials. It was a little saddening having to cut off life and color from its stems and the fact that'd I'd have no more fresh flowers around the house for another several months—hey, it's the little things, right? I ripped up roots from the garden, no more fresh vegetables pick until next summer.

It's definitely a new season, and as it changes so does the season of life we're in. Things are changing every day. Now that Luke is off his meds we're able to dig deep into underlying issues that the medicine masked. It is good and exciting, despite the roller coaster days—as long as I'm not upside down too long, I can finish the ride in one piece. I will have taken Luke to the doctor about 52 times by the end of this year. Probably more now that we're at the end of this. Each trip an hour each way and a half an hour visit. That's approximately 130 hours, not including health/epilepsy research, that I've dedicated to seeing us through this season of life. During those many hours, I prayed and thought alot—asking again and again for wisdom.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.—James 1:5

I've spent many a day, recently, being angry with medical doctors and the big pharma industry and their willingness to mask symptoms (seizures) for 20 years instead of getting to the root of the problem. Luke's neuro appointments were always a joke. What the heck are they doing with all their grant and donated money? They can't find a cure for epilepsy because seizures are a symptom of a health issue that's different in every person with epilpesy. Maybe one day, they'll start making some progress when they realize this. Kind of like cancer. I really believe that cancer cannot survive in a healthy environment and that it can be treated naturally. I could talk about this forever, but now I'm getting off topic.

While I personally don't like the dark, grey winter months, I like the change I'm seeing in this season. Luke getting better. More quiet time with a book instead of tending to the garden. Passions are becoming evident. God is answering prayers. We have a deepened faith and the realization that we're stronger (thanks to His grace) than we think we are. Marriage is getting stonger after enduring health issues and a job loss—we survived. No more health issues for me—ovarian cysts are gone, mercury toxicity is gone, acid reflux gone (all naturally). We're talking about kids. The list goes on and on ...

It's as if 30 is the magic number for both Luke and I. This new decade of possibilities is exciting. I don't fear much these days—not like I used to. In the valley, we couldn't be dependent on anything, which required us to be dependent on God alone. That alone is well worth the journey. It wasn't until I had to be completely dependent on Him for everything that I really trusted Him to provide every need. In this new season and every season beyond trusting God with everything has a whole new meaning.

So even though it's colder now and we're bracing for old man winter to come a knocking on our door, my heart is warmer these days. Quite possibly a little more joyful, too, knowing that God is in control. This is the first winter season I've welcomed with open arms. Because ultimately, I'm looking forward to seeing what blooms in the Spring after a long-hard year. God's been pruning our branches for 2 years now—certainly there will be much bearing of fruit next year and the years to come.

lead me

lately, it seems, that i've been inspired by music in these posts. main reason? i'm spending a lot of time in the car these days between work and doctor's appointments and errands. i used to know lyrics just because songs are repeated a lot on the radio, but i'm finding lots of meaning in lyrics these days—and i'm catching myself thinking about specific ones often.

this song (called lead me), especially.

i was recently talking with a friend about relationships. i asked him if/when he was going to propose to the girl he's been dating for two years ... to which he replied i don't know. i'm just not sure if she's the one. i wish i could see the future so i could see what we'd be like together.

now, i got a really good chuckle out of that conversation. i told him that if i saw our circumstances coming i would've run for the hills and probably stayed single. i mean, who looks forward to a down economy, a job loss, and health issues all within 4 months of getting married? um, excuse me, i didn't see this in the marriage contract :)

we got a good laugh talking about how no one would probably get married if they knew that they'd have to go through some really tough times. but, the best thing about not expecting it and then making it through the valley is that it is possible. easy? heck no! worth it? absolutely!

i heard this song and it reminded me of the things that luke never came out and said during the last year and a half, but i could see it in his eyes:

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

i found both of these things hard to do. i used to wonder who was going to lead me if i gave everything to luke. in my brokenness and exhaustion i had no idea how to stand up for someone when i could barely do it for myself. i remember times when i did leave him hungry for love while i tried to balance everything—thinking i had to do it alone.

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life

it's easy to forget to do the little things when the trials in the valley seem so wildly out of control. things i just didn't know were important only being married a short time. wish i would've learned earlier, but God provided the second wind i needed to finish this journey strong.

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them, Won't You lead me?

He gave me the strength to fight. He loved me unconditionally so that i could love in return. He leads me so that i can lead luke right now. His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) for every circumstance. i see that now. it took me awhile to understand. but now that we're almost at the end of this wild ride i'm glad i fought for the love of my life. giving up is easy—fighting for love is hard. love is a choice not a feeling. over the last 2 years (almost) i've learned a lot about marriage ... things that are definitely going to make the rest of our years the best to come.

i look back at my vows —

I, Christina, who has been chosen of God, holy and beloved, promise to put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. As God has forgiven me so shall I forgive you, bearing with you through all circumstances, both joyful and challenging.

I promise to clothe myself with love which binds us together in perfect harmony and to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. To let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill our lives. To teach and counsel you with all the wisdom God gives.

I promise that whatever I do, I will do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

I promise to trust and follow your leadership in the Word of God.

I promise to be the faithful, loving wife God called me to be until the day that God calls me home.

... and i really haven't been living up to some of them, but i'm going to try a lot harder ... because i promised. i'll stand up and lead him because i know that there will be a day when he'll have to do the same for me.

a look inside my heart (one year ago)

these past few days have been filled with lots of reflection. it is exactly one year ago that luke started to react badly to a prescription drug that he was prescribed about 4 weeks earlier. during those 4 weeks the list of side effects of the medicine became our worst nightmare and a reality. depression. memory loss. irritability. tiredness. aggression. anger. mood changes. worsening of seizures. mood changes. it was every symptom that luke was not—if you know him, you probably can't imagine him like this because he's completely the opposite of all those things. all these things finally culminated in a night of several seizures.

i was terrified. i remember praying and praying and praying—specifically, praying this. as if this heartache wasn't enough ... luke was laid off from his job just a few short days later. i don't think i've ever felt a time in my life like this where i had to completely rely on the security that only God could provide. it was a rough several months at the beginning of last year and while i didn't enjoy it or want to relive it, i wouldn't change a thing. i learned so many things about myself—mostly the selfish side of me—that needed to change. i realized how much faith and trust i lost in medicine for long term healing. i saw how much i was lacking in the faith department and i see how much i've grown. i've experienced the challenges of marriage during times of difficulty and i know what it truly means to put Christ in the center of our marriage.

i read that entry from a year ago and it brings to mind so many raw feelings, but the best feeling is one of hope. over the past year i've seen God provide in every way imaginable, even during the times when i wondered if He was truly there. those times weren't so evident in the moment, but as i reflect i can pinpoint many, many times that He showed up in whispers. He is so real and so very near to all those who call on His name—that i can attest to.

while there are still battles to fight, we know that victory has been His from the beginning ... so we'll continue letting Him light and lead our path. glory be to Him from whom all blessings flow.

xo

loves never fails

Love is not proud, Love does not boast
Love after all, Matters the most

Love does not run, Love does not hide
Love does not keep, Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through, Love never fails you

Love will sustain, Love will provide
Love will not cease, At the end of time

Love will protect, Love always hopes
Love still believes, When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you, Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here, Love is alive
Love is the way, The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
—brandon heath, love never fails

i never knew real love until i understood how much God loves me ...
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.—romans 5:8

intentions: good vs evil

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.—genesis 50:20

i love this passage in genesis, especially verse 20. i feel like it sums up 2009—satan attacked every single part of luke + i, individually and our marriage. it started out with a lost job and spiraled downward. satan took one event in our lives and twisted it enough to affect every other area and in a lot of ways turned our weaknesses into despair. there were days when i wondered if God was even here and whether or not was he listening.

when i heard this scripture verse today, it hit me like a ton of bricks ... i was focusing on what God wasn't doing instead of what He was quietly doing amidst the chaos. i lost focus on Him, some days trust, and in those moments, satan gladly stepped in and intended to destroy my emotions, relationships, faith, marriage, work ethic, etc. when i really felt like i was at the bottom of the ocean floor, drowning in questions, unanswered prayers + emotions, He used those moments for good. He strengthened me, opened my eyes to a level of hurt that i didn't know was possible to feel, revealed my own selfishness, established a deeper connection between He and I, strengthened my marriage ... He gave me a glimpse into His heart, seeing through His eyes. what a disguised blessing! there are many days where i wish i wouldn't have lost focus on Him, but then i think that, if i didn't, would i have been privy to a life full of humble gratitude for last years events and strength for the journey? i venture to say probably not.

what made me thinkk about all this a lot more is that i heard many a story today about how satan is hard at work ruining marriages, flipping blessings upside down, trying to discredit His word, etc ... a couple of instances really, really saddened me because i know how hard some of life's circumstances can be. but we have to stay focused on heaven and we have to believe that He takes the evil one's intentions and molds them into good for His purpose for our life. i bet satan cringes at the thought of praising Jesus in our darkest moments and that's what i try to remember during those times. 

we must lift our heads high, trusting in our Creator and Savior, knowing that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.—Romans 8:28

Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."—Deuteronomy 1:29-31

...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.—Joshua 1:9

Making Family First

during my college years, i really aspired to be some hot shot art director in the beauty industry in a mostly sunny city, living high fashion in black skirts and jimmy choo shoes and dining at high end sushi joints—it all sounded like such a wonderful life. money wasn't all i cared about back then, but at the time it seemed like it would make the perfect life. then i graduated, soon gave my entire heart to Jesus, and realized that none of those things were really important. oh, and i then i realized that while i could probably pull off the black skirts and jimmy choo shoes, i'm not a new york city type of girl. yeah, i'll stick to my jeans, flip flops and oh-so-soft long sleeved tee's.

the last two weekends at church we've been in a series called making family first. it brought up the distant memories of what i wanted to be when i grew up. now, i love to read about the hot shot creative directors and ooohhh and ahhhhhh over their fabulous work, but i don't desire that path in life anymore. this series, at church, really reminded me how much i love putting family first and how God has put that as a priority in my life.

 God's 10 traits of a healthy family:

1. irrational crazy love: the first characteristic of a healthy family is that everyone in it feels treasured.

2. strong communication: tthe presence of communication with truth and grace.

3. celebration of uniqueness: the family is the celebration of uniqueness (psalm 139:13)

4. vows against abuse: healthy families vow they're never going to abuse, shame, control, or intimidate one another. everyone needs to feel safe (1 corinthians 6:9)

5. common faith: even secular research on what contirbutes to a high functioning family says that healthy families share a common spiritual belief system (deuteronomy 6:5-8)

6. respect for others: the healthy family teaches respect for others (deuteronomy 5:16)

7. a sense of responsibility: healthy families instill a sense of responsibility in each other

8. play: healthy families have fun together

9. rituals and traditions: healthy families celebrate meaningful rituals and traditions together

10. seeking help: families that need help get it when they come to an impasse

weren't those solid traits? as i study this list, it's exactly the way i want our families to be and it's how i want the eggert house to be. i want to dedicate this year to working on family. there are some other fun projects in the works, but i'm going to enjoy my family first.

the love dare

i think one of the things i enjoy the most about my morning commute is christian radio, specifically k-love. it keeps me focused on the positive + encouraging things while singing out His praises. the morning show, with lisa and eric, just started the forty day love dare (based on the book, the love dare). have you seen the movie fireproof? apparently the book was featured in the movie (which i haven't seen, but heard rave reviews). and after watching the preview, it's on my must-see list this weekend!

 ... this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.

whether our marriages are strong or holding on by a thread, i think this 40-day journey could benefit us all. i love this from the blog...

... The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.

and, even if you're single, love still exists in all of our relationships. i think these concepts could easily be applied to each and every one. in fact, i bet it would be amazing to try it! friends, family, co-workers, neighbors ... they all need His love, which can be shown through us if we open ourselves up to it.

the day-one love dare is about patience ... oh boy, oh, boy, oh boy. day 1 is definitely a challenge :) let's all say a prayer for strong marriages and families tonight!

See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another.—1 Thessalonians 5:15

selfish or selfless?

i don't think anyone ever aspires to be a caregiver at the age of 29, whether long-term or short-term. there's a lot of life to live at this age ... one would think that near-perfect health shouldn't be an issue. but what happens when we're faced with health or any other issue that spotlights our selfishness?

hello, my name is christy selfish.

i'll be honest, i really didn't know how selfish i was until luke's epilepsy started rearing it's ugly head about a year ago. all of a sudden i realized that i had to go to work, juggle doctor appointments, deal with the loss of his job, maintain the new house, cook, clean, pay the bills, be optimistic, research health and nutrition and epilepsy and natural treatment options ... the list is endless. it was then that selfishness kicked me right in the face. i didn't have much time for sleep, me time, time with friends, reading, working out ... i had to reprioritize, so my husband came first. for the longest time i harbored much bitterness and some anger. kicking and screaming that this wasn't fair. i couldn't get to the bottom of why i was so irritated with life some days. 

i'm surrounded with events from the last couple days that have allowed me to reflect on the events of 2009. last night, luke + i were cleaning up dinner and folding laundry when his body started to make some strange movements (not seizures). his arms, hands, legs would move in weird ways whenever they felt like it. it was funny for a bit, then it continued and continued ... leaving us feeling like what the heck should we do? we've been to two doctors today. neither were alarmed and think it's temporary. but when i learned that i'd have to spend a week of vacation not tending to my needs i started to get really irritated. 

but then i looked at luke, who was sitting across from me, probably a little concerned and exhausted, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. thank you, conviction. i was being selfish. it reminded me of this year and how many times i was selfish when my husband needed me. i immediately asked for forgiveness. being selfish, it's not what i strive to be, but i'm human and i think selfishness is a battle we all fight daily.  

i was a humbled servant today to the man i vowed my love to. i'm thankful that God allowed me to see my selfishness to work on it and to be aware of the needs of others. over the course of the year i've learned that the greatest selfless gift one can give is the gift of time. money is quick, e-mails and texts are easy, prayer is needed, but the giving of time is selfless, precious and priceless and no doubt one of the hardest things to share when it feels so limited. 

marriage lesson #942

it's 4:45, i'm about 5 minutes from home and my phone rings. it's luke.

L: hey.
C: hey. i'm almost home.
L: do we have a dust pan?
C: what happened? (slightly irritated)
silence
C: luke, what happened? (moderately irritated)
silence
C: LUKE!?!? (highly irritated, blood pressure starting to rise)
L: the glass pan exploded
C: which glass pan?
L: one of the blue ones.
C: how did it bust?!
L: on the stovetop.
C: what was in it?
L: chili.
C: good grief! i'll be home in a minute. (just plain angry)

i walk in the door and it's messy. the chard {leafy, green veggie) burned because it sat in the skillet while luke tended to the exploded glass and the sweet potatoes were sitting on the counter next to the stove where there's no doubt that little pieces of glass resided. all of dinner? in the trash. {sigh}.

first, i'm more thankful now that i found out in the car where i had a few minutes to simmer down, rather than walking in the door to a huge mess. second, i'm really annoyed with how i acted. i wasn't really mad that the glass broke or that there was chili everywhere. accidents happen. i was angry for purely selfish reasons. i was tired, in a hurry (to take him to the doctor at 5:45), really hungry, and did not feel like coming home to a mess that i would have to help clean up after being at work all day. it's in these moments that we have a choice on how we react. we can react in loving kindness, or we can bring out the wrath. unfortunately i didn't make the best choice for the first 15 minutes of being home. then i felt the conviction of needing to laugh about it, move on, and use this as a lesson in building character.

life's too short to get angry over silly stuff (especially for selfish reasons), especially when God teaches us how to react with loving kindness—a reason to read the bible. it's relevant. everything you can imagine that we've gone through or will go through is mentioned in the bible. here are some of my favorite verses on anger:

• Psalm 78:38 But He, being compassionate, forgave their iniquity and did not destroy them; And often He restrained His anger And did not arouse all His wrath.
• Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
• Ecclesiastes 11:10 So, remove grief and anger from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.

my absolute favorite verse on the subject is from proverbs 31 (verse26):
• She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 

marriage lesson #942—slow to anger ... noted.

man, oh, man, i wish i would have written the other 941 lessons down ... how i am supposed to remember all this stuff? :)